The James Bond franchise seems like it’s set to be locked into a state of purgatory for the foreseeable future, with a reportedly tumultuous relationship between Amazon and the franchise’s eternal gatekeepers and keyholders, Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson. Public interest, however, is perpetually high, with oddsmakers perpetually updating the odds on who will be the next James Bond. That being the case, I have decided to offer my humble services in packaging up a blueprint for the next Bond film, for some light participation points on the back end. In my pitch I shall cast Bond himself, the villain, the director, some suggestions for some Bond women, and a singer to perform the main title song just to put a nice little bow on everything. Obviously the key and most speculated ingredient and the necessary starting point of a Bond pitch is the man himself.
I think we’ve been going about casting Bond all wrong in the past. The goal has always been to cast a relatively young actor, in their mid to late 30’s and lock them down for something like 7 movies or 15 years or the like. But often times those actors will become disillusioned halfway through their run and just kind of phone it in or add to the inevitable production delays. I’m not saying this approach is wrong necessarily, if it works, but it closes off some interesting opportunities. What if we were to go with an actor that’s a little older for only two or three movies? Or hell, even one? And with that I present my case for the best Bond out there: Idris Motherfucking Elba. He is so ineffably cool, sexy, suave with all the necessary charisma and magnetism to pull off a character like Bond. The naysayers will tell you he’s too old, but I’m here to tell you, his greatest weakness could be flipped around and weaponized to be one of his greatest strengths. Bond has been portrayed several times across the official franchise (and once outside it) by actors of middle age, however only two of these movies ever even bothered to acknowledge Bond’s age: 2012’s Skyfall starring Daniel Craig, and to a lesser extent, 1983’s off brand Never Say Never again starring Sean Connery. There’s something so compelling about Bond going back out into the field after being retired, or out of action, or riding a desk. It’s a very humanizing and character driven arc to see if a character can still live up to their former self. It doesn’t have to be gritty and fatalistic either, it should be tonally a little lighter than the Craig run, a kind of back to basics with a little bit of the fun silliness mixed in. NOT a return to the Moore era however. More along the lines of the Brosnan era with a more character driven focus and more pathos. I have the Martin Scorsese’s The Color of Money in mind as a bit of an inspiration, where Paul Newman’s character discovers that he’s not too old to throw his hat in the ring and play pool after all. Let’s face it, Idris is still in better shape than most people in their 20’s and would definitely stand up to the more practical stunts and set pieces necessary for a Bond film. But where are we going to find a worthy adversary?
There’s a formula for a Bond villain where you cast a really really damned good actor who can also ham it up a little. The best version of this is my guy Javier Bardem in Skyfall. He is an Academy award winning actor who absolutely chews bit of scenery in sight in that movie and it’s absolutely delightful and perfect. It can also go wrong a la Christoph Waltz in Spectre, but it’s hard to say who’s to blame for that, and I think we could avoid it. I thought of Jared Harris first, and the more I tried to think of any alternate casting choice for the role, the more I knew he was our guy. He has the chops to bring deadly serious gravitas to the proceedings like he does in Chernobyl or the Terror, but I’ve also seen him ham it all the way up in lesser movies like Mr. Deeds and Sherlock Holmes. Mr. Harris has the perfect toolbox for a classic Bond villain. His Bond villain would need to be a Blofeld-esque character with a megalomaniacal plan with a clear objective in mind, and a really cool lair. And PLEASE no connections to Bond’s past or any nonsense like that. He’s pissed at Bond because Bond is standing in his way of global domination or whatever it is he’s after, that is enough and always has been for this franchise. Harris would be Bond’s intellectual opponent, but we could give him a classic henchman to face off against too. I could throw some ideas out but I actually think this role could go to an unknown who meets the criteria of physically imposing and threatening, and give them a not too over-the-top gimmick. Next we are in dire need of a director.
I give you Christopher Nolan. Bond is deeply ingrained in the bones of several of Nolan’s movies and a confirmed inspiration from Nolan himself. You can feel it in his Dark Knight trilogy and even more so in Inception and Tenet, with their cool protagonists in suits and elaborate Bond-esque set pieces. In fact Nolan is one of the best directors of action and set pieces of the 21st century, a master of practical sets, stunts and effects. My challenge to Nolan would be to strip away his layered narrative gimmick and just tell a straightforward, linear James Bond spy thriller. No intercutting of several different narrative timelines over one another or running things backwards or anything. Not that that stuff doesn’t work, he usually pulls it off to great effect, but I really want to see what he can do without it.
Next we come to the Bond women. I initially thought of two and have not been able to talk myself out of them. Diane Kruger and Melanie Laurent were absolutely amazing in Tanatino’s Inglourious Basterds and I’ve been waiting for them to break big ever since. There is something inherent about the characters they played in Basterds that ports over so perfectly into the world of James Bond. They’re so smart, tough and independent and thrive in a world of danger and spy craft. And they’re both great actor’s to boot. I also would be unable to choose between them, but what if we got both?
Finally we come to my choice for an artist to perform the main title sequence. I initially thought of this performer and kind of questioned it because their music doesn’t exactly line up with my idea of the classic power ballad Bond song like Skyfall, Goldfinger, License to Kill and so on. But then I remembered her incredible song at the end of Top Gun Maverick. Then I remembered she also performed the “Shallow” from A Star is Born. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Lady Motherfucking Gaga. Go and listen to “Hold My Hand” from the Top Gun Maverick soundtrack and tell me to my face she isn’t the absolute perfect artist to pull off the next Bond power ballad. I’ll wait.
In every case of my casting of Bond 26, from Bond to villain, director to singer, I thought of these people first, then tried to talk myself out of them and think of alternatives. That’s not to say there aren’t good alternative, just none that I want to see more than this movie that I’ve kind of lightly thrown together. I can’t unsee it. Idris as Bond? It’s been out there for more than a decade, he’s just so perfect for the role and we can tailor a Bond movie to him and his strengths (which are many). Why don’t we just say fuck it and sign him up for just a few movies as a little older and more experienced Bond who has to get back into the groove of being James Bond?